Thank you Allah for everything

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

If you're a reader of mine from a long time ago, there was a time when I questioned whether I was even allowed to exist. Doubting my whole existence, and wallahi that was the most painful time of my life. It feels as if i don't have the right. That I am THAT insignificant, not only to me but to those around me. 

And I remember every single time those thoughts crept in, I would remind myself that this too shall pass. That time heals everything. I repeated those words over and over again like a mantra, even when I wasn't sure if they actually meant anything. I wondered if they would remain just another empty phrase people say to make pain feel smaller.

But I guess they did work.

Only by the permission of Allah.
He is, indeed, the Most Gracious. The Most Merciful to His servants.

Fast forward to 2026, and somehow... it all makes sense now.

Just a few snippets of my life.

I was called to the Bar in 2024. Without a doubt, the most memorable—and funniest—nine months of my life. I met so many wonderful people who made chambering not only bearable but genuinely enjoyable. I also gained a best friend whom I still lean on today. Someone I can pour my complicated thoughts into and we patiently untangle together, every single one of them.

Then, I graduated with a Master's degree.

Can you believe it?

The same girl who cried herself to sleep almost every night during law school willingly signed herself up for postgraduate studies. Strange, isn't it? Yet somehow, this was where I discovered how much I genuinely love learning. I never knew this side of me existed. It felt as though I was rediscovering myself throughout the entire journey.

If there is one thing I wish I could tell my undergraduate self, it would be to enjoy the process a little more. I pushed myself so hard that, when I look back, all I remember are the burnout, the tears and the constant exhaustion. But perhaps those experiences were necessary. Maybe Allah know that I wouldn't have appreciated learning the way I do now if I hadn't gone through all of that first. Probably this was always the path that Allah had written for me.

Oh—and did I mention that I'm now someone's fiancée?

Hehe.

The funniest part is that it's the very same person I've liked for the past seven years. 

Yes, the same person who once gave me hope, disappeared for a while and later came back wanting to be just friends. Somehow, despite everything, he remained the only person who ever truly found his way into my heart.

It took us seven years to get here.

It wasn't an easy journey. At times, it felt as though we were climbing the highest peak of a mountain together. Taking one step at a time, stumbling,  waiting. I pray that whatever lies ahead will be gentler, filled with sakinah, mercy, and His endless blessings.

In two weeks, I'll be starting a new role and I'll be moving back to Johor Bahru. This decision feels like a leap of faith. With our wedding planned in less than a year, I'm placing a lot of trust in this new chapter. Truthfully, I don't know if I'll cope well with long-distance. I don't know what my career will look like after marriage. Whether I'll eventually move back to Kuala Lumpur or stay in Johor, and what sacrifices that may require from both of us. Those uncertainties still scare me.

But then I remember that I've stood at uncertain crossroads before. And every single time, Allah has guided me to places I never imagined for myself. So I sincerely pray that this is the path He has chosen for me, that it brings barakah, growth and peace, not only for my career but also for the family we're about to build together.

Looking back, I smile at the girl who once questioned her own existence.

If only she knew.
She would one day become a lawyer. Eearn a Master's degree. Surrounded by people who love her.
She would even say yes to the man she had quietly loved for years.

She would come to understand that Allah had never abandoned her, not even for a moment. That the prayers she had long forgotten were answered in ways far more beautiful and meaningful than she could ever have imagined. Just as I am beginning to understand right now. 

Probbaly this is what this too shall pass truly meant all along.

Nope, my life didn't suddenly become perfect. It never will. There will still be steep hills to climb, tears to shed and moments that test my faith. But I hope I will always remember to look back and see that every hardship quietly led me exactly where I needed to be.

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for everything.