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Thought that I need to write a lil bit before I continue my work. This post is all about my complaints. I just want to let it out. Let me?

All these presentations, tests and submissions -- Bullshit.

It is so hard for me. I have tons of works to do but myself won't just cooperate with me. I work really hard, staying up every night, but it feels like my hard works didn't pay off.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against assignments; I believe it is an important aspect in determining our understanding toward that particular subject. But these days, it is definitely pressuring times for me. Too many things to be completed. During normal semesters, we usually get around 3 to 4 assignments per subject. And it was already pressuring, but still manageable. But to have double that numbers for submissions and tests of each subject? Crazy. That makes me wonder, can I even survive this semester? It is so... tiring.

To the point that I feel like I live another day just to complete another task. Not only that, even when I thought I already gave my 200% for each tests and assignments; it is still not enough. I can't even reach the minimum par. There is always a time during the semester -- when I thought that maybe I was just not belong here. Did I made a right decision to be here? But these time, I really considering of giving up syariah, probably maybe law altogether. I don't know. Really, i don't know.

During these time, I am expecting people to at least validate my struggle. But, guess what, NO. It's not like I am living for peoples' validation, but I had enough for people to downgrade my struggle. Even, when I chose to continue with this course, my only goal is to make my parents proud. Being a child that constantly being a disappointment to your parents, do you know the feeling and urge to make them proud? But right now, I am having it really hard, can't people around me just tell me that I did my best? That it is going to be okay? That I am just going to be fine?

During my 20 years 6 months of living, never have I ever depend on panadol; just to ensure this headache get off me. I can't even recall when was the last time I had a good rest.  Even when I cry, didn't feeling well, in the end I just need to continue studying. Did I even have a choice.

I didn't ask much. Just pray for my health, and succces. May He ease. Ameen.