Hi?

This is so awkward. 

I can't believe it has been two years since I last write here. And I suddenly feel like pouring my random thoughts and feelings here? What is the odds? Fast forward, a lot of things happened to me in these 2 years time span. And when I said a lot,  i mean A LOTTTTTTT (probably more than you can imagine). I am literally laughing my self out while writing this because it really doesn't feel real.

Do you know what was the first thing that I did when I opened this account after two years? I read back all of my previous posts. And cried along with my past selves, who probably went through hell inside her mind back then. What a fighter you are, Di. Probably the true reason why I feel like writing again today is because I know this maze of thoughts inside my mind need to be organized, but at this right moment everything just feels small again. Like what am I worrying so much about? Subhanallah, how did I went from that Nadia to this Nadia? Masyaallah, what kind of strength that You have given me all this while. I am humbled -- once again. 

And probably, the thing that I am currently facing right now is not even minor or small. Probably it is His blessings - that are much much bigger than the battle itself. Bigger than  this world and the universe. Bigger than everything. This reminds me of one of my favorite verse from the Quran; 

وَإِن تَعُدُّوا۟ نِعْمَةَ ٱللَّهِ لَا تُحْصُوهَآ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَغَفُورٌۭ رَّحِيمٌۭ (١٨) 

If you tried to count Allah’s blessings, you would never be able to number them. Surely Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Adulting and living can be hard sometimes. To realise the fact that you are all alone in this battle, it doesn't feel good at all. It actually has been a while since I share with people about what's going on in my life. I think I feel confused about it myself. It doesn't really feel fulfilling, but it is not all bad. I just... live. 

From graduating with two degrees, starting my chambering journey and now entering a new phase in just two months? It is full of uncertainty at this moment. And that scares be a little bit I guess. To hold a new responsibility, the fact that I have to begin and discover what I actually want to do in this life -- as someone who prefers the concept of 'go with the flow', this is a challenging period for me.  

So.... it is nice to be reminded of this fact sometimes; to remember that I always have the Most Powerful, the Most Merciful to go back to, every single time. I hope you realise it too! And may the Force be with you, in every step of your adventure. 

يَـٰٓأَيَّتُهَا ٱلنَّفْسُ ٱلْمُطْمَئِنَّةُ ( ٢٧) ٱرْجِعِىٓ إِلَىٰ رَبِّكِ رَاضِيَةًۭ مَّرْضِيَّةًۭ (٢٨) فَٱدْخُلِى فِى عِبَـٰدِى (٢٩) وَٱدْخُلِى جَنَّتِى (٣٠)

Wahai jiwa yang tenang! (27) Kembalilah kepada Tuhanmu dengan hati yang redha dan diredhaiNya (28) 

Maka, masuklah ke dalam golongan hamba-hambaKu (29) Dan masuklah ke dalam syurgaKu (30)

   

Lots of love, 

NY

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